First I would like to thank everyone who has prayed for Ryan and I this past Year in a half.
I can't believe it's been that long since we have been in China. God has done many great things to slowly put the pieces back together. I wanted to share with you God's provision, His grace, mercy and His sovereignty.
I don't have to tell you that this has been the hardest year in a half of my life. We have gone through all of the grieving process I think. But it it still hurts. The guilt is still there. The questions never leave me if we have done the right thing. I cannot tell you how many times we thought we were going back to get mason.
When we got home we tried everything to get him medical help, testing, to get his file updated but China was silent. The thought of China not putting him back in the system to be adopted just killed me. I was trying all I could do to make sure he was not lost in the system. I was actually ready to give up. Then September was here and it was his birthday. I thought Maybe I could send him a cake through the care package place. I had all his information. This way I could see if he was still at the orphanage or not. So I emailed the care package lady who sends the cakes and told her my situation. That we wanted to send him cake for his birthday. She contacted orphanage and they said it was ok! Not only that they even sent us pictures of him!! I couldn't believe it. To see his little face again was bitter sweet. I wanted to get on a plane and go get him!
I started researching his condition again. I started talking with Dr's that specialized with NF1 patients. As I started to research more I started to find out the chances of Mason having Major complications with NF1 were not as big as we had thought when we were in China. In china we had one website to look at. We had the Dr telling us the worse cases because of course there are chances and we would have to be prepared for that. Ryan and I started praying and talking about trying to go back and get him. Did God want us to go back? My agency had contacted me to look at some files of 2 little boys. She wanted to see if we would be interested to adopt one of them. I couldn't even think about moving forward to adopt another child knowing Mason still didn't have a family. I contacted my agency to see if there was a way to find Masons file to see if they had put him back in the system. My agency told me it would be like a needle in a hay stack trying to find him. So we continued to pray.
As Chinese New Year was approaching I thought I would try to send Mason some clothes. I contacted the care package place again but this time I asked if they could see if his file was updated and put in the system. This lady was so helpful she emailed me back and told me that they had updated it and it was just released into the system. Right then I got on the phone with my agency to let them know they put his file in the system. My agency said they would contact some advocates as well as check the system and hopefully they could find his file. She did go on to tell me that once again it would be very hard to find his file because at any time an agency can take his file and hold it. When an agency does this they keep the file for months at a time and try to advocate for the child. It could be any agency from around the world. I thought to myself there is just no use.
Well I contacted an advocate that I knew of and just waited. One afternoon I was on the computer and though I would search through the china waiting kids ( I do that once in a while) so as I was sitting there I was scrolling down and my heart stopped. There before my eyes was that sweet little face. It was Mason! An agency in Tennessee had held his file and started to advocate for him. There was a video too! I emailed the agency to see if I could see his file. I wanted to see if they had updated it. Unfortunately it was the same file they gave me. There were no updates. But when I watched the video he was walking ! he was talking and that smile, those brown eyes! I just sat and cried I could not control myself. There was no turning back. I showed Ryan. We were ready to go back and get him. I called the agency and told them our story. The lady told me that she would be willing to fight for us but she said that China does not allow a child to be linked to the same people more than once. She said it would have to be approved by china. It could take a while and they could say no.
I thought to myself I can't hold his file up knowing that china doesn't allow you to be linked with the same child. You see this agency can only hold Mason's file for 3 months then they have to put it back into the system. Then he would be lost again. I couldn't bear that. So I told Ryan lets pray for the next three month to see if God brings him a family. If by the end of April he is not adopted we will fight for him. I told the agency that I would talk with any family that would like more information on him. Then I contacted a couple more advocates so they could post his file on their web sites as well.
I think I talked with 10 families that inquired about him through email. Then one day I got a phone call for a lady named Emily. This was the only person I talked to by phone. When we finally talked after playing phone tag it was like I had known her my whole life. We talked forever. We were sharing our life stories. Here is the kicker Emily is originally from Michigan about 45 minutes from where we live. When I hung up the phone I was so overwhelmed I had this gut feeling that I was talking to Mason's mom. I told Ryan and we just prayed and waited. Emily and I had talked a bit more over phone and emails. This lady I thought was amazing. She already had 5 kids. God had brought her through some tough medical times with a couple of her kids. She was so high energy and positive. She was not even scared of the NF1 label. She started doing her research she found out she was by two of the leading researching hospitals for NF1.
Could God be doing the unimaginable again? Would God allow me to see those brown eyes face to face again? Would our children get to meet the boy they thought was their baby brother. They pray for him every night. Would they be able to see God answer their prayers? Would I be able to see God answer my prayers?
Then I will never forget this day March 30th we were on our way to florida. I received a phone call. It was Emily! She was calling because she wanted me to be the first to know they were moving forward with the adoption!. Tears just flowed. My heart was filled with joy! Mason had a family and God was allowing us to be apart of it. God brought Emily and I together for some reason. When you look back at all the impossibilities God took what was broken and slowly started to put the pieces together to tell His story. To show that He is and will always be in control. That He knows the big picture and His glory will unfold at his time.
A year and a half ago I thought I would never see those brown eyes again. I thought I would never know if he found a family. I thought I would never know if he would hear about God's love for him. But God had grace and mercy on me and prompted my heart to not give up. He prompted me to ask the care package lady about his file. He allowed me to see mason's little face on the computer that afternoon. This all happened at the perfect time. Sometimes when you feel God has forgotten you please know that He hasn't sometimes silence is good if I would have asked or looked to soon I would have missed it.
Emily's family is in the process of adopting Mason. They have actually named him Oliver which I think is a perfect name for him. They are trying to raise money so they can get to China quicker. Please pray and look into your heart and see if God wants to use you to help bring Oliver home. Just like he used Ryan and I to get Oliver to the right family he can use you to help get him there asap. He will be 3 years old in September the sooner we can get him home the better it will be for him as well as for the Russell family. You can go to https://www.gofundme.com/ud8rnx4 and donate if that doesn't work you can email me rwthomaso@aol.com subject line Oliver and I will help you.
Once again thanks for all your prayers. Please continue to pray for the Russell family as well as Oliver! Im hoping the next time I blog it will be about the first time our families meet and the first time the kids get to meet Oliver! Wow our God is so Amazing!
Monday, June 29, 2015
Monday, January 27, 2014
The Unimaginable
Well most of you know we were unable to bring Mason home. This has been one of the most devastating things in my life besides our miscarriage. The difference with this was that Ryan and I had to make this choice. God was the one who chose for us to miscarry. Im sure some of you are thinking how could you put a child back in the orphanage? I understand what your thinking because I have to now deal with this the rest of my life.
I would like to share with you our story so you can kind of understand why we had to make the decision we made even when it seemed in the beginning that Mason was the one God had planned for our family.
I really don't understand why God allowed things to happen this way. I am not even sure this is how God intended things to happen. I wish so badly I could have heard words from Gods mouth telling Ryan and I what decision He wanted us to make. Ryan and I prayed fervantly on our knee in agony that God would give us clear direction. To make it so evident. We prayed " Lord we want to be obedient. You have brought us all the way to China away from our family for this little boy yet you have put this ostacle in our way". I have never seen my husband in so much agony in so much intensive prayer. I have never seen him weep the way he did and cry out to God. I wanted so bad to see the words written on a wall or God voice heard but we did not get that.
Im hoping that maybe through this blog I will see God and he will reveal to me that this is what He intended. so here it goes heres our story.
So we got to shanghai so excited it was very weird being around the world away from our kids but yet so exciting to think we were going to finally meet our little boy in a couple of days.
We stayed in shanghai one night and then took a train to Nanjing. Once we got their our Guide named Jin picked us up at the train station and took us to our hotel. She made sure everything was working in our rooms made sure we had a crib and stroller. She was so kind and very friendly. She showed us around the town and gave us suggestion on places to eat. I could barely compose myself because I knew in less than 24 hours we were going to meet Mason.
The next morning we got up and went to the civil affairs where the orphange director and one of his nannys where going to bring him. We were waiting patiently and then there he was I couldn't really see his face because he was so buddled up in what seemed a million layers of clothes. Then I saw his sweet little face. The face I have been dreaming about. I couldn't wait to snatch him from the nannies arms as I went to get him from the nanny's arms my heart felt a little uneasy he seemed very limp I knew that children in the orphanage were behind but I thought he would be around a 10 -11 month old developmently even though he was 16 months. He reminded me of a 7 month old but I put those thoughts aside and took in the moment. He didn't cry he was smiling and happy. He would touch our faces and smile. I was beaming from head to toe I could feel myself. I couldn't believe this day was finally here. I thought I would be crying but I didn't I couldn't help but smile. Oh how I wish I still had those feeling right now.
So we had to take him for 24 hours before we could sign the paper work. We went to the hotel. when we got there I thought " ok I need to see how he was really doing. he had so many layers of clothes on he was dripping sweat. I thought that was why he seemed so limp because he was like a marshmellow how could he move? so I took a couple of layers off him. He was able to sit up on his own and he scooted around a little bit not much. I looked at his body because he had what we thought were mongolian spots and a birthmark on his back. I noticed there were alot more spots on him then what was shown in our referral pictures but I thought they probably only showed us some of them so we knew he had a birthmark and mongolian spots. I noticed his spine seemed wierd it was rounded kind of like a hunch back but I figured everyones backs are different and if he had scoliosis we could work with that. His legs seemed shorter than normal but then again I'm use to looking at my own children let alone he was another nationality and sometimes they have different characteristics. Anyways after that I thought he just needs to get some excercise. He needs to build strength get some muscle tone and he will be just fine. So I squeezed him tight and played with him. We took him on the town that night we went to pizza hut cause it was close and I really didn't have it in me to try chinese that night.
The next morning we went to breakfast before we left to sign the adoption papers. The little boy who slept in the crib next to him was being adopted as well and they were at our hotel eating breakfast too. the boys were about 1 week apart. As we were walking out of the restraunt our Guide Jin ran up to us and said " What are those spots on his back" and she started to lift his shirt up. I told her he had a birthmark but the other spots where mongolian spots. She said very sternly "Those are not mongolian spots and then showed me what one looked like on her arm. My heart sank. then I looked and the little boy who was a week apart from him was walking out of the restaurant. My heart sank again. I was thinking Mason is not even crawling yet and this other boy was walking. Our guide Jin said we will ask the orphanage director about his spots before you sign the paper work. We said ok.
When we got to the Civil Affairs we asked the director about his spots. The director said they took him to the hospital and they said they were birthmarks. Nothing is wrong with him Just Birthmarks. Well Ryan and I didn't care he had birthmarks so we said ok and went and signed the paper work.
After that we went to some garden Jin wanted us to go to. She told us so many things I think she knows every thing about china dates and all. My brain was fried. For those of you that know me I like to walk through things not study every tree and rock in the place ha ha. Jin made sure she told us about EVERYTHING!!! During our time in the garden I was really noticing how depend Mason was. He did not help hold himself up at all . As I was holding him I noticed he felt heavier than my 3 year old. He only wanted me to hold him so I was struggling. I guess I need to do more Jazzercise ha ha. This made me really concerned because I kept thinking about the little boy that walk out of the restraunt that morning.
That night I did not sleep at all. All I could do was think about what if there was more going on than we thought. Things just didn't seem to add up. He seemed so much further behind than I thought. I emailed the agency to ask if they have seen this before as well as a US DR that specialized in international adoption. I just wanted to be prepared for what was ahead I guess. So I sat up all night and prayed and thought. I talked to my sister through texting. I was nervous. Once Ryan woke up I told him my concerns. We both went to the Lord in prayer and prayed for Mason that he would become strong that there was nothing more going on with him. Then he woke up I put him on the ground with some toys and boom I looked and he was scooting all over the place he even tryed pulling himself up to his knees. He was a different child. I thanked God for answering our prayer. My heart was lifted.
That day we went to visit the orphanage. I was so impressed. It was alot nicer than I anticipated. They had classrooms where they taught the older kids. There was even a kid playing the piano. They seemed to do alot of things with these kids. It was sad to see all the little babies in the cribs. there were about 25 cribs in a room. They had a really nice activity room for the kids to play in. The orphanage was clean and the nanny's were so nice. Right when we walked into the orphanage they ran up to Mason they called him ya ya which means sunshine in chinese. If you could have seen his smile. He was soo happy to see them. Two of the nanny's did not leave his side the whole time. they just talked to him and made him laugh I was so thankful to see how much he was loved!
During this time our Guide Jin was talking very intensely to some ladies in chinese. Than she came up to Ryan and I and said that lady is going to get the dr report about his birthmarks. I was thinking why is she doing that? I had long forgot about the birthmarks. The pediatrican from the orphanage came down to talk with us as well. They showed Jin the Dr report and she said the report said he had Cafe au lait spots. The pedeatrican said that the spots were just birthmarks nothing to worry about. I thought great that confirmed it. We continued with our tour and then went to see the place where he was found.
Once we got back to the hotel I thought Im just going to google cafe au lait spots. As I was reading about them my heart just sank again. I started reading about how if a person has more than 6 spot it could mean that they have neurofibromatosis also called NF1 as I was reading the symptoms it talked about freckling under arms and stomach on legs and groin. Mason had them everywhere. It talked about having a curvature of the spine and a larger head. We new his head seemed larger but there are a lot of people with large heads. I did notice his spine seemed to be a little curved but not sure if that was due to him being so skinny. These are just the first signs. then is goes on to how this genetic disorder progresses with age and all the complication that may come, tumor growths, blindness, seizures, developmental delays, surgery's on back, legs, brain depending where the tumors grow. Then there are syndroms that can be linked with it. This was just way more than we thought we could handle. I know that he may not have all the symptoms now but I do know he already was showing some of them.
Our agency gave me a US Dr's name to call. Once we talked to the dr he told us all the different complications that could come with NF1 Why God Why??? This little boy had been in our hearts for months he is laying next to me right now. We have started to build a connection with him. How are we going to provide this child with what he needs and provide our 4 young kids with what they need. How will we provide finacially? This is not fair God. What are we suppose to do?
The Dr we where talking to had adopted 4 girls from China so he knew what we where going through. He said something to us that I think helped a little. He told us that we needed to take our emotions out of this. He said you need to go back to the beginning when You and your husband talked about what your family could handle. He said He knew this sounds crazy but it's crazy when you are filling out your paper work and your picking what kind of kid you want like they are in a catalog. It just doesn't sound good but this is how the system works. He said if you had no kids or even just one he could see us taking this child home with us but he said with four children already it just would not be fair to them or to Mason.
The problem is We were already in this emotionally. We loved this boy before we met him. We felt like God was showing us so clearly he was our child. We were in China! We had him in our arms. I was angry so angry. I still am angry I don't understand what God is doing. I know this is not just about my family this is about Mason. God loves Mason too. How are we going to give him back??? Does God want us to give him back? How are we going to care for this child? Does God want us to care for this Child? I'm sure some of you are thinking we made the wrong choice and some of you understand why we made the choice we made. I question myself about every minute.
After getting off the phone with the doctor we prayed over Mason we prayed for his healing we Prayed for his salvation we begged God we begged Him to take his spots away. I have NEVER begged God like that we cried and prayed all night. The next morning we looked to see if his spots were gone. They were still there. I was praying for a miracle I just wanted a clear answer from God. I talked to the agency and Ming who is I think the link between china and then agency. They both seemed to understand that we where not equipped to take Mason home. They understood we had 4 other children. Ming said He needed a home with someone who can give him the attention he needs. So she arranged for the orphanage to come get Mason the next day.
We had one last day to spend with Mason all we did was sit in the room in shock. We stared at him the whole day while he played. We continued crying we continues praying we continued to talk about if we where doing the right thing. We went over and over things in our heads we prayed for our children at home. We pleaded with God. We have not slept or eaten over 48 hours and I knew we where not going to eat or sleep that day either.
I couldn't bring myself to leave the room. I made Ryan go to the civil affairs by himself to give them our written request to overturn the adoption due to unknown medical issues that was given to us at orphanage. Poor Ryan he had to do this on his own. He said he thought the people thought he was crazy. He said he just broke down a full blown cry not able to catch his breath. All I could do was sit and stare and of course go through the motions of taking care of Mason daily needs. Thank goodness we had food for him in the hotel room. All I could think of was those brown eyes. The dreams I had for him to come home and meet our kids and family. The way I pictured him running through our yard with Parker I was in straight shock. All I could think about was how could we return him to the orphanage what kind of people are we?
That night we didn't sleep either I so wanted to be home with my children but yet I didn't want to leave this little boy. I remember going into the hospital for a DNC when we miscarried. I remember the feeling of not wanting to go knowing they were taking something away from me. This is how I felt I knew I had to take this little boy back but it was like taking a piece of me. I know this may sound wierd but this is how I felt. That next morning we woke up. It was silent all we could do was pack his things and walk silently to the car. I could not believe what we were about to do. I felt like it was a dream. I wanted to so badly wake up. I still wish I could wake up.
When we got to the civil affairs the orphanage people were already there. We walked in and the nannie took him from my arms. All I could do was cry. Mason was happy though he was smiling he was content. He loved the nannies. They are his family. Thats all he knows. Ryan and I had to sign some paper work it took about 10 minutes and it was done. Mason was gone and we walked out alone. The rest of the day my heart was so heavy I could barely move. We tried to walk around town to make time go by fast our plane left the next morning. We pretty much went to the hotel I fell asleep at 2 in the afternoon and didn't wake up till 6 the next morning.
when I woke up I was thinking God there has to be a reason we are here. Why are we here? The only thing that came to my mind was Jin our guide. We had talked a little about religion. She said she believed in nothing but her grandma was a Christian. I thought to myself maybe Jin's grandma has been praying for her? Maybe we can be a tool for God.
When we were about to leave for the airport Ryan and I sat Jin down. We told her that she has so much knowlege about China. That she could tell us anything we wanted to know. Then we went on to tell her that the most important knowlege is to know Jesus as her Savior. We told Jin we had know clue why God has brought us around the world to China. We told her We believe God put Jin as our guide to advocate for us. If it wasn't for her we would have never known Mason had NF1 our family would have been turned upside down. We told her maybe God sent us to China because her grandma has been praying for her that maybe she needed to hear about Jesus from someone else? I gave her my bible and a devotional I brought about Jesus. She said this was the nicest gift she was given. We exchanged emails and plan to follow up with her and told her to ask us questions if she had any but Know she can ask her grandma. She told us she was going to read it.
Ryan and I may never really know the reason God has sent us to China. We may question our whole lives the decision we had to make. What we do know is that by going to China we have two new friends. We have our friend Jin that we will pray for and keep in contact with her. We will continue to plant the seeds God wants us to and maybe she will come to be His child. Our other friend is Mason I will hold him dear to my heart. I will pray for him daily for his health and his salvation. I know Ryan and I are closer to each other and to God through this situation. I don't think either of us had prayed so hard in our lives. It seemed like we were alone in China but I know that God was there. I know He was holding our hands. I know His ways are not our ways. I know He loves us and He loves Mason. I know that now there will be many people praying for Jin and Mason because we where in China. I know that Mason will have an advocate someone to help him get genetic testing so he will find a home that will be perfect for his condition. I know Ryan and I are blessed with family and friend that love us. What more can we ask for?
If you are reading this and you don't know Jesus as your Savior all I can say is your missing out on what life is truly about. We are not here by chance just like Ryan and I were not in China by change. God loves each and everyone of you reading this. He has a plan for your life it doesn't mean that if you have Jesus in your life things will be easy and never go wrong. Look at what Ryan and I just went through. What it does mean is that you have someone to go through life with you. Someone who will never leave you or forsake you. Someone who gets you through the hard times and is with you through the good times. There is No other God like our God. Jesus says' I am the way the truth and the life No one comes to the Father except through me. Seek Him out if you don't know him personally. I can not imagine having to go through this without my God by my side.
I would like to share with you our story so you can kind of understand why we had to make the decision we made even when it seemed in the beginning that Mason was the one God had planned for our family.
I really don't understand why God allowed things to happen this way. I am not even sure this is how God intended things to happen. I wish so badly I could have heard words from Gods mouth telling Ryan and I what decision He wanted us to make. Ryan and I prayed fervantly on our knee in agony that God would give us clear direction. To make it so evident. We prayed " Lord we want to be obedient. You have brought us all the way to China away from our family for this little boy yet you have put this ostacle in our way". I have never seen my husband in so much agony in so much intensive prayer. I have never seen him weep the way he did and cry out to God. I wanted so bad to see the words written on a wall or God voice heard but we did not get that.
Im hoping that maybe through this blog I will see God and he will reveal to me that this is what He intended. so here it goes heres our story.
So we got to shanghai so excited it was very weird being around the world away from our kids but yet so exciting to think we were going to finally meet our little boy in a couple of days.
We stayed in shanghai one night and then took a train to Nanjing. Once we got their our Guide named Jin picked us up at the train station and took us to our hotel. She made sure everything was working in our rooms made sure we had a crib and stroller. She was so kind and very friendly. She showed us around the town and gave us suggestion on places to eat. I could barely compose myself because I knew in less than 24 hours we were going to meet Mason.
The next morning we got up and went to the civil affairs where the orphange director and one of his nannys where going to bring him. We were waiting patiently and then there he was I couldn't really see his face because he was so buddled up in what seemed a million layers of clothes. Then I saw his sweet little face. The face I have been dreaming about. I couldn't wait to snatch him from the nannies arms as I went to get him from the nanny's arms my heart felt a little uneasy he seemed very limp I knew that children in the orphanage were behind but I thought he would be around a 10 -11 month old developmently even though he was 16 months. He reminded me of a 7 month old but I put those thoughts aside and took in the moment. He didn't cry he was smiling and happy. He would touch our faces and smile. I was beaming from head to toe I could feel myself. I couldn't believe this day was finally here. I thought I would be crying but I didn't I couldn't help but smile. Oh how I wish I still had those feeling right now.
So we had to take him for 24 hours before we could sign the paper work. We went to the hotel. when we got there I thought " ok I need to see how he was really doing. he had so many layers of clothes on he was dripping sweat. I thought that was why he seemed so limp because he was like a marshmellow how could he move? so I took a couple of layers off him. He was able to sit up on his own and he scooted around a little bit not much. I looked at his body because he had what we thought were mongolian spots and a birthmark on his back. I noticed there were alot more spots on him then what was shown in our referral pictures but I thought they probably only showed us some of them so we knew he had a birthmark and mongolian spots. I noticed his spine seemed wierd it was rounded kind of like a hunch back but I figured everyones backs are different and if he had scoliosis we could work with that. His legs seemed shorter than normal but then again I'm use to looking at my own children let alone he was another nationality and sometimes they have different characteristics. Anyways after that I thought he just needs to get some excercise. He needs to build strength get some muscle tone and he will be just fine. So I squeezed him tight and played with him. We took him on the town that night we went to pizza hut cause it was close and I really didn't have it in me to try chinese that night.
The next morning we went to breakfast before we left to sign the adoption papers. The little boy who slept in the crib next to him was being adopted as well and they were at our hotel eating breakfast too. the boys were about 1 week apart. As we were walking out of the restraunt our Guide Jin ran up to us and said " What are those spots on his back" and she started to lift his shirt up. I told her he had a birthmark but the other spots where mongolian spots. She said very sternly "Those are not mongolian spots and then showed me what one looked like on her arm. My heart sank. then I looked and the little boy who was a week apart from him was walking out of the restaurant. My heart sank again. I was thinking Mason is not even crawling yet and this other boy was walking. Our guide Jin said we will ask the orphanage director about his spots before you sign the paper work. We said ok.
When we got to the Civil Affairs we asked the director about his spots. The director said they took him to the hospital and they said they were birthmarks. Nothing is wrong with him Just Birthmarks. Well Ryan and I didn't care he had birthmarks so we said ok and went and signed the paper work.
After that we went to some garden Jin wanted us to go to. She told us so many things I think she knows every thing about china dates and all. My brain was fried. For those of you that know me I like to walk through things not study every tree and rock in the place ha ha. Jin made sure she told us about EVERYTHING!!! During our time in the garden I was really noticing how depend Mason was. He did not help hold himself up at all . As I was holding him I noticed he felt heavier than my 3 year old. He only wanted me to hold him so I was struggling. I guess I need to do more Jazzercise ha ha. This made me really concerned because I kept thinking about the little boy that walk out of the restraunt that morning.
That night I did not sleep at all. All I could do was think about what if there was more going on than we thought. Things just didn't seem to add up. He seemed so much further behind than I thought. I emailed the agency to ask if they have seen this before as well as a US DR that specialized in international adoption. I just wanted to be prepared for what was ahead I guess. So I sat up all night and prayed and thought. I talked to my sister through texting. I was nervous. Once Ryan woke up I told him my concerns. We both went to the Lord in prayer and prayed for Mason that he would become strong that there was nothing more going on with him. Then he woke up I put him on the ground with some toys and boom I looked and he was scooting all over the place he even tryed pulling himself up to his knees. He was a different child. I thanked God for answering our prayer. My heart was lifted.
That day we went to visit the orphanage. I was so impressed. It was alot nicer than I anticipated. They had classrooms where they taught the older kids. There was even a kid playing the piano. They seemed to do alot of things with these kids. It was sad to see all the little babies in the cribs. there were about 25 cribs in a room. They had a really nice activity room for the kids to play in. The orphanage was clean and the nanny's were so nice. Right when we walked into the orphanage they ran up to Mason they called him ya ya which means sunshine in chinese. If you could have seen his smile. He was soo happy to see them. Two of the nanny's did not leave his side the whole time. they just talked to him and made him laugh I was so thankful to see how much he was loved!
During this time our Guide Jin was talking very intensely to some ladies in chinese. Than she came up to Ryan and I and said that lady is going to get the dr report about his birthmarks. I was thinking why is she doing that? I had long forgot about the birthmarks. The pediatrican from the orphanage came down to talk with us as well. They showed Jin the Dr report and she said the report said he had Cafe au lait spots. The pedeatrican said that the spots were just birthmarks nothing to worry about. I thought great that confirmed it. We continued with our tour and then went to see the place where he was found.
Once we got back to the hotel I thought Im just going to google cafe au lait spots. As I was reading about them my heart just sank again. I started reading about how if a person has more than 6 spot it could mean that they have neurofibromatosis also called NF1 as I was reading the symptoms it talked about freckling under arms and stomach on legs and groin. Mason had them everywhere. It talked about having a curvature of the spine and a larger head. We new his head seemed larger but there are a lot of people with large heads. I did notice his spine seemed to be a little curved but not sure if that was due to him being so skinny. These are just the first signs. then is goes on to how this genetic disorder progresses with age and all the complication that may come, tumor growths, blindness, seizures, developmental delays, surgery's on back, legs, brain depending where the tumors grow. Then there are syndroms that can be linked with it. This was just way more than we thought we could handle. I know that he may not have all the symptoms now but I do know he already was showing some of them.
Our agency gave me a US Dr's name to call. Once we talked to the dr he told us all the different complications that could come with NF1 Why God Why??? This little boy had been in our hearts for months he is laying next to me right now. We have started to build a connection with him. How are we going to provide this child with what he needs and provide our 4 young kids with what they need. How will we provide finacially? This is not fair God. What are we suppose to do?
The Dr we where talking to had adopted 4 girls from China so he knew what we where going through. He said something to us that I think helped a little. He told us that we needed to take our emotions out of this. He said you need to go back to the beginning when You and your husband talked about what your family could handle. He said He knew this sounds crazy but it's crazy when you are filling out your paper work and your picking what kind of kid you want like they are in a catalog. It just doesn't sound good but this is how the system works. He said if you had no kids or even just one he could see us taking this child home with us but he said with four children already it just would not be fair to them or to Mason.
The problem is We were already in this emotionally. We loved this boy before we met him. We felt like God was showing us so clearly he was our child. We were in China! We had him in our arms. I was angry so angry. I still am angry I don't understand what God is doing. I know this is not just about my family this is about Mason. God loves Mason too. How are we going to give him back??? Does God want us to give him back? How are we going to care for this child? Does God want us to care for this Child? I'm sure some of you are thinking we made the wrong choice and some of you understand why we made the choice we made. I question myself about every minute.
After getting off the phone with the doctor we prayed over Mason we prayed for his healing we Prayed for his salvation we begged God we begged Him to take his spots away. I have NEVER begged God like that we cried and prayed all night. The next morning we looked to see if his spots were gone. They were still there. I was praying for a miracle I just wanted a clear answer from God. I talked to the agency and Ming who is I think the link between china and then agency. They both seemed to understand that we where not equipped to take Mason home. They understood we had 4 other children. Ming said He needed a home with someone who can give him the attention he needs. So she arranged for the orphanage to come get Mason the next day.
We had one last day to spend with Mason all we did was sit in the room in shock. We stared at him the whole day while he played. We continued crying we continues praying we continued to talk about if we where doing the right thing. We went over and over things in our heads we prayed for our children at home. We pleaded with God. We have not slept or eaten over 48 hours and I knew we where not going to eat or sleep that day either.
I couldn't bring myself to leave the room. I made Ryan go to the civil affairs by himself to give them our written request to overturn the adoption due to unknown medical issues that was given to us at orphanage. Poor Ryan he had to do this on his own. He said he thought the people thought he was crazy. He said he just broke down a full blown cry not able to catch his breath. All I could do was sit and stare and of course go through the motions of taking care of Mason daily needs. Thank goodness we had food for him in the hotel room. All I could think of was those brown eyes. The dreams I had for him to come home and meet our kids and family. The way I pictured him running through our yard with Parker I was in straight shock. All I could think about was how could we return him to the orphanage what kind of people are we?
That night we didn't sleep either I so wanted to be home with my children but yet I didn't want to leave this little boy. I remember going into the hospital for a DNC when we miscarried. I remember the feeling of not wanting to go knowing they were taking something away from me. This is how I felt I knew I had to take this little boy back but it was like taking a piece of me. I know this may sound wierd but this is how I felt. That next morning we woke up. It was silent all we could do was pack his things and walk silently to the car. I could not believe what we were about to do. I felt like it was a dream. I wanted to so badly wake up. I still wish I could wake up.
When we got to the civil affairs the orphanage people were already there. We walked in and the nannie took him from my arms. All I could do was cry. Mason was happy though he was smiling he was content. He loved the nannies. They are his family. Thats all he knows. Ryan and I had to sign some paper work it took about 10 minutes and it was done. Mason was gone and we walked out alone. The rest of the day my heart was so heavy I could barely move. We tried to walk around town to make time go by fast our plane left the next morning. We pretty much went to the hotel I fell asleep at 2 in the afternoon and didn't wake up till 6 the next morning.
when I woke up I was thinking God there has to be a reason we are here. Why are we here? The only thing that came to my mind was Jin our guide. We had talked a little about religion. She said she believed in nothing but her grandma was a Christian. I thought to myself maybe Jin's grandma has been praying for her? Maybe we can be a tool for God.
When we were about to leave for the airport Ryan and I sat Jin down. We told her that she has so much knowlege about China. That she could tell us anything we wanted to know. Then we went on to tell her that the most important knowlege is to know Jesus as her Savior. We told Jin we had know clue why God has brought us around the world to China. We told her We believe God put Jin as our guide to advocate for us. If it wasn't for her we would have never known Mason had NF1 our family would have been turned upside down. We told her maybe God sent us to China because her grandma has been praying for her that maybe she needed to hear about Jesus from someone else? I gave her my bible and a devotional I brought about Jesus. She said this was the nicest gift she was given. We exchanged emails and plan to follow up with her and told her to ask us questions if she had any but Know she can ask her grandma. She told us she was going to read it.
Ryan and I may never really know the reason God has sent us to China. We may question our whole lives the decision we had to make. What we do know is that by going to China we have two new friends. We have our friend Jin that we will pray for and keep in contact with her. We will continue to plant the seeds God wants us to and maybe she will come to be His child. Our other friend is Mason I will hold him dear to my heart. I will pray for him daily for his health and his salvation. I know Ryan and I are closer to each other and to God through this situation. I don't think either of us had prayed so hard in our lives. It seemed like we were alone in China but I know that God was there. I know He was holding our hands. I know His ways are not our ways. I know He loves us and He loves Mason. I know that now there will be many people praying for Jin and Mason because we where in China. I know that Mason will have an advocate someone to help him get genetic testing so he will find a home that will be perfect for his condition. I know Ryan and I are blessed with family and friend that love us. What more can we ask for?
If you are reading this and you don't know Jesus as your Savior all I can say is your missing out on what life is truly about. We are not here by chance just like Ryan and I were not in China by change. God loves each and everyone of you reading this. He has a plan for your life it doesn't mean that if you have Jesus in your life things will be easy and never go wrong. Look at what Ryan and I just went through. What it does mean is that you have someone to go through life with you. Someone who will never leave you or forsake you. Someone who gets you through the hard times and is with you through the good times. There is No other God like our God. Jesus says' I am the way the truth and the life No one comes to the Father except through me. Seek Him out if you don't know him personally. I can not imagine having to go through this without my God by my side.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Travel dates
We got our travel dates!!!! We leave Jan 17th and come home Jan 29th:) We are so excited! Its actually still hard to believe this is really happening. The flights are booked and the packing will begin. I feel a little over whelmed but once I sit down and get my thoughts together I'm sure it will be fine. Well I know it will be fine all we need is some clothes RIGHT??? I'm actually going through some of Parker's baby stuff to bring clothes for him and I guess I'll bring some baby essentials.
Oh you are probably wondering why I haven't told you his name. Well that's because Ryan and I can't agree. But I was just informed by Ryan that I am going to get my way ( Don't we always) haha
His name for sure is going to be Mason:) That was the first name that came to my head when we decided to adopt a little boy from China. Not sure why but it just stuck. Nothing else sounded good and Ryan couldn't come up with anything better. I even tried to come up with other names but he shot them all down. We are going to use the last name they gave him for his middle name so it will be
Mason Chang Thomason. I know if your looking closely you will see that yes his name is the spelling of the last part of our last name. That is why Ryan didn't like the name and yes I get it but I really don't care. When you say it together the sounds are a little different right? oh well Mason it is and when you see a picture of him I think you may think the name fits:)
I just can't wait to hold him!!! Well I may be busy getting ready so I won't post until we get our itinerary:)
Sunday, January 5, 2014
72 hours and well the rest of the story up till today:)
Ok so now we have 72 hours to have medical records looked over and to accept the child as ours.
So I sent the file over to the heart surgeon. It seemed like forever as I was waiting for him to call me back but it only really took him a couple hours to get back to me because he was in surgery. He explained to me alot of things I really didn't understand I just really wanted him to say this was a correctable issue and move on.
He actually told me from what he can tell if his heart issue was the only problem he was a keeper. My heart just jumped for joy. But them he said he had a concern. He said he was concerned about his measurements. He was in the 3rd percentile for weight. his head circumference and length I think were in the 20th percentile. The doctors concern was that he may be a failure to thrive child. Or that there may be something else wrong with his heart that is causing him to not put on weight. So he referred me to a pediatrician that would better understand the growth charts since his specialty was surgery.
After talking with the pediatrician she had the same concerns . She did say that it is normal for children in an orphanage to be behind in their motor skills and growth so it was hard to tell. The adoption agency said the same thing. I really felt like I couldn't get a definite answer on if this child would be ok. We had to take a step of faith. I prayed saying God you have brought us this far. Please make it clear to us that this is the little boy you have planned for us.
We ended up paying to have him reevaluated by a doctor in China. It just didn't seem right. In the pictures we received he did not look under weight. He didn't look like a failure to thrive child. A lot of people were telling me that the kids they adopted from Asia were all very small but they ended up being fine. I wanted so bad for that to be true about this little boy. Everything seems to be so right leading up to him. I told Ryan when we get the update we need to see that he is putting on weight but if he is unable to sit on his own we may have to think about weather he is the one. In his referral he was assessed at about 8 months old. he was only able to push himself up while laying on his tummy for about 10 seconds now he was a year old could 4 month make a difference? With this medical update they send pictures as well so we can see if he looks drawn out or if he looks like he is thriving. So we waited. in the mean time we sent him a cake to the orphanage for his birthday. They sent us pictures!!!
I was so excited in most of the pictures he looked good but he was always sitting on a nanny's lap and she was helping him eat. This didn't look to good to me. Then there was a picture of him sitting holding the toy we got him. But when I looked at the picture it looked like they had him propped in a corner to support him. My heart sank. I didn't know what to think all I could do was pray. I really didn't want to deny this little boy he melted my heart every time I looked at his picture. But I also had four other kids to think about. I really don't think I can handle a child with a major disability and give my other four children the attention they needed. Now I know God won't give me anything I can't handle so I just needed clear direction from him. So I prayed "God please give me a clear picture." My exact words. I went on with my day with a heavy heart I thought I would just have to wait for the medical report. We should get it any day now.
I was sitting on the floor folding laundry when my phone rang it was Ryan. I had sent him the pictures earlier in the day. He said wow those are great pictures and he's even sitting up on his own. I said no Ryan look closely they have him propped up in a corner . He said "no you look closely, on one side of him is a mirror and if you look in the mirror he is not supported by anything." "Trust me I already thought of that." so I ran and looked at the picture again and He was right!!! I can't even tell you how excited I was and I said "God I ask you for a CLEAR PICTURE and You literally gave me a CLEAR PICTURE!!! looking back I literally feel like a leaf blowing in the wind. Why does my faith waver? God is clearly showing me and Ryan this is what he wants for our family and I Keep questioning Him. I'm such and unworthy soul and yet He still loves me and reveals Himself to me and allows me to raise His children. Why? I don't know. I have no word to express my gratitude toward Him! Oh How He Loves Us!!!
Well a couple of days later we received the medical report he was gaining weight, it said his heart condition remains the same and they sent us a picture of him sitting on a riding toy. I just couldn't believe it. All the walls I had put up to protect my heart just crumbled. This really is our little boy! :) So we signed our Letter of Acceptance and continued with the waiting game. We had to wait for things to process, apply for our VISA, apply for his VISA, and some other things and then we just had to wait for our Travel approval.
Our projected time frame was that we would probably travel in the middle of January if things went smoothly. As Christmas started to get closer I started to get anxious. I started thinking of all the different thing that could hold up the process. Christmas, New Years, and the Chinese New year which falls at the end of January and goes for a week or so. If anything held up the process then we would have to travel after Chinese New Year which would be the middle of February. Now to you it may not seem like its that big of a deal waiting a month longer. But to me that means one more month that I miss out on our little boys life. One more month that he will not have to get stronger and develop like a normal child would. One more month for him to be without a home. One more month taken away from all of us as a family.
Well here we are and it's January and it's been snowing like crazy. Ryan is working around the clock. There are some other stressful things happening in our lives that I believe once again Satan is using it to try to steel our joy. I was just telling my sister things will probably get held up and maybe it's good because of all the things that are going on right now. Guess what the next day I got the call. We got our travel approval! which means we will travel within the next two weeks. I was at the rollerskating rink with the kids when i got the call so I had to call the agency back. Once I was able to talk to her in with out all the loud music she told me two things could happen. We need to get an Embassy appointment Jan 27,28,or 29th if we get one of those dates we fly out Jan 17th if not we have to wait till after Chinese New Year and fly out February 7th.
This is all in Gods hands. He knows what Ryan needs. He know what is best. We will have to wait until tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest to see if we go Jan 17th or Feb 7th. Please Pray that it will work according to His will. I know it will but I still like to pray for it anyways.
I hope you will join us in prayer on the rest of our journey. Pray for our safety. Pray that our little boy will adjust well. Pray that he has a peace when he is with us. Pray that Ryan and I will know how to meet his needs. Pray for our kids as we are away that they are healthy and that the time we are away go fast for them. They will be in good hands but I do pray for their hearts. Pray that God continues to move in their hearts that they adjust well to the changes. Pray that we all bond as a family. Pray for our two dogs that they don't send me over the edge and I get rid of them ha ha J/K
Till the next post goodnight:)
So I sent the file over to the heart surgeon. It seemed like forever as I was waiting for him to call me back but it only really took him a couple hours to get back to me because he was in surgery. He explained to me alot of things I really didn't understand I just really wanted him to say this was a correctable issue and move on.
He actually told me from what he can tell if his heart issue was the only problem he was a keeper. My heart just jumped for joy. But them he said he had a concern. He said he was concerned about his measurements. He was in the 3rd percentile for weight. his head circumference and length I think were in the 20th percentile. The doctors concern was that he may be a failure to thrive child. Or that there may be something else wrong with his heart that is causing him to not put on weight. So he referred me to a pediatrician that would better understand the growth charts since his specialty was surgery.
After talking with the pediatrician she had the same concerns . She did say that it is normal for children in an orphanage to be behind in their motor skills and growth so it was hard to tell. The adoption agency said the same thing. I really felt like I couldn't get a definite answer on if this child would be ok. We had to take a step of faith. I prayed saying God you have brought us this far. Please make it clear to us that this is the little boy you have planned for us.
We ended up paying to have him reevaluated by a doctor in China. It just didn't seem right. In the pictures we received he did not look under weight. He didn't look like a failure to thrive child. A lot of people were telling me that the kids they adopted from Asia were all very small but they ended up being fine. I wanted so bad for that to be true about this little boy. Everything seems to be so right leading up to him. I told Ryan when we get the update we need to see that he is putting on weight but if he is unable to sit on his own we may have to think about weather he is the one. In his referral he was assessed at about 8 months old. he was only able to push himself up while laying on his tummy for about 10 seconds now he was a year old could 4 month make a difference? With this medical update they send pictures as well so we can see if he looks drawn out or if he looks like he is thriving. So we waited. in the mean time we sent him a cake to the orphanage for his birthday. They sent us pictures!!!
I was so excited in most of the pictures he looked good but he was always sitting on a nanny's lap and she was helping him eat. This didn't look to good to me. Then there was a picture of him sitting holding the toy we got him. But when I looked at the picture it looked like they had him propped in a corner to support him. My heart sank. I didn't know what to think all I could do was pray. I really didn't want to deny this little boy he melted my heart every time I looked at his picture. But I also had four other kids to think about. I really don't think I can handle a child with a major disability and give my other four children the attention they needed. Now I know God won't give me anything I can't handle so I just needed clear direction from him. So I prayed "God please give me a clear picture." My exact words. I went on with my day with a heavy heart I thought I would just have to wait for the medical report. We should get it any day now.
I was sitting on the floor folding laundry when my phone rang it was Ryan. I had sent him the pictures earlier in the day. He said wow those are great pictures and he's even sitting up on his own. I said no Ryan look closely they have him propped up in a corner . He said "no you look closely, on one side of him is a mirror and if you look in the mirror he is not supported by anything." "Trust me I already thought of that." so I ran and looked at the picture again and He was right!!! I can't even tell you how excited I was and I said "God I ask you for a CLEAR PICTURE and You literally gave me a CLEAR PICTURE!!! looking back I literally feel like a leaf blowing in the wind. Why does my faith waver? God is clearly showing me and Ryan this is what he wants for our family and I Keep questioning Him. I'm such and unworthy soul and yet He still loves me and reveals Himself to me and allows me to raise His children. Why? I don't know. I have no word to express my gratitude toward Him! Oh How He Loves Us!!!
Well a couple of days later we received the medical report he was gaining weight, it said his heart condition remains the same and they sent us a picture of him sitting on a riding toy. I just couldn't believe it. All the walls I had put up to protect my heart just crumbled. This really is our little boy! :) So we signed our Letter of Acceptance and continued with the waiting game. We had to wait for things to process, apply for our VISA, apply for his VISA, and some other things and then we just had to wait for our Travel approval.
Our projected time frame was that we would probably travel in the middle of January if things went smoothly. As Christmas started to get closer I started to get anxious. I started thinking of all the different thing that could hold up the process. Christmas, New Years, and the Chinese New year which falls at the end of January and goes for a week or so. If anything held up the process then we would have to travel after Chinese New Year which would be the middle of February. Now to you it may not seem like its that big of a deal waiting a month longer. But to me that means one more month that I miss out on our little boys life. One more month that he will not have to get stronger and develop like a normal child would. One more month for him to be without a home. One more month taken away from all of us as a family.
Well here we are and it's January and it's been snowing like crazy. Ryan is working around the clock. There are some other stressful things happening in our lives that I believe once again Satan is using it to try to steel our joy. I was just telling my sister things will probably get held up and maybe it's good because of all the things that are going on right now. Guess what the next day I got the call. We got our travel approval! which means we will travel within the next two weeks. I was at the rollerskating rink with the kids when i got the call so I had to call the agency back. Once I was able to talk to her in with out all the loud music she told me two things could happen. We need to get an Embassy appointment Jan 27,28,or 29th if we get one of those dates we fly out Jan 17th if not we have to wait till after Chinese New Year and fly out February 7th.
This is all in Gods hands. He knows what Ryan needs. He know what is best. We will have to wait until tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest to see if we go Jan 17th or Feb 7th. Please Pray that it will work according to His will. I know it will but I still like to pray for it anyways.
I hope you will join us in prayer on the rest of our journey. Pray for our safety. Pray that our little boy will adjust well. Pray that he has a peace when he is with us. Pray that Ryan and I will know how to meet his needs. Pray for our kids as we are away that they are healthy and that the time we are away go fast for them. They will be in good hands but I do pray for their hearts. Pray that God continues to move in their hearts that they adjust well to the changes. Pray that we all bond as a family. Pray for our two dogs that they don't send me over the edge and I get rid of them ha ha J/K
Till the next post goodnight:)
The waiting game
So once our paper work was in China we had to wait for our LID number. This is the number they put into the data base to hold a child that you may be interested in. Since China changed their data base we didn't receive our LID number until end of July.
I received a call from the agency that they would try to match us the next time China released more kids which was going to be the first Monday in August. I couldn't believe this. This was really happening. But then I started to panic. You see once your matched with a child you have 72 hours to review their medical records, have doctors look over their records and then decide if you want to pursue this child. I didn't have a doctor lined up to look over his records. I haven't even researched different doctors for different disabilities this child could have. So I started calling people.
I called some doctors that specialized in cleft lip and pallet because I assumed that would most likely be our child's disability . Then I called my friend Sarah. She use to work at children's hospital and I knew she knew a heart surgeon that went to her church. That was one of the other disabilities we had checked off that we would be willing to accept. She gave me his number . He called me back right away. This Surgeon was amazing. He was willing to look over the child's records, book appointments for him, he even gave me his cell phone to contact him with any questions I may have. I was floored. Pretty much after getting off the phone with him I prayed and asked God if at all possible could the child's minor disability be a heart issue? I just had this peace about this surgeon. Not to mention Sarah told me he sings a hyum over each child as he does his surgeries. This is the kind of doctor I want to take care of my child.
This lead me in my next conversation with the agency. I told them that when they were looking to match us if there were more than one child that would fit our family and one of the children had a heart condition we would probably pick the one with the heart condition. Now I know this all sound crazy and somewhat horrible to be picking what you want wrong with your child. But unfortunately in this process that's what the agency needs to hear so they can try their best to make a perfect match.
This lead me in my next conversation with the agency. I told them that when they were looking to match us if there were more than one child that would fit our family and one of the children had a heart condition we would probably pick the one with the heart condition. Now I know this all sound crazy and somewhat horrible to be picking what you want wrong with your child. But unfortunately in this process that's what the agency needs to hear so they can try their best to make a perfect match.
So the first Monday in August came around and there was no match for us. I was a little sad but still had a peace that God has His perfect timing. This releasing of the kids in the data base in August was the first one done since they changed the Chinese Data base system. There ended up being glitches in it. What happened was that more than one family was matched to the same child so it was actually a blessing in disguise for us that we didn't get matched.
Well the first Monday in September came and China still had not released anymore kids due to the glitches in the system. The agency said they didn't think they would release any kids in September. I remember one night telling my sister this is probably better anyways because fall is such a crazy time for us so being matched with a child right now would probably be to crazy. Well I spoke to soon. Literally that next morning I got a call from the agency. She said "Good morning Carrie I'm sitting her at my computer with my coffee looking at a little baby boy who would like to be part of your family." (I think that's what she said) I was in shock! I couldn't believe it! She went on to say He was born Sept 17, 2013 and he has two holes in his heart that seem to be able to be corrected. Shock again I thought for sure we would get a child who had a cleft lip or pallet. She said that when she opened her email that morning his file popped up and when she saw he had CHD she remembered our conversation. Now I know God had his hand in this. Not only that because non of the other agency were up in the night waiting for China to release children into the data base we where the only family that was matched with him. Come to find out the agency called me 2 weeks later saying I know this little boy was meant for you because China ended up releasing more kids and the same thing happened more than one family was matched to the same child. She said I think God has his hand in this one. I said You better believe He does!!!!
Oh I forgot one other REALLY important detail. So when we were praying about weather to adopt it was in September. I remember going to the Farm to work and talking to a friend of mine who works there and she said to me. "On my way here today I had this overwhelming feeling. I felt like God was telling me I needed to pray for you and Ryan because there was a baby boy in China waiting for you. Now when she told me that I laughed and said well that's awesome. I didn't think much more about it until the lady at the agency told me he was BORN SEPTEMBER 17th 2013. Then it all made sense God started stirring in mine and Ryan's heart. We took those steps to see what he was saying. We Prayed and followed. Little did we know our baby boy was being born right then. God Knew he needed a family. He knew his mom would not keep him for some reason and God PICKED ME! HE PICKED ME! to be his mommy and Ryan to be his daddy. Why I don't know why. I have made so many mistakes in my parenting. I'm still trying to figure how to be a good parent but HE PICKED ME!! AND RYAN OF COURSE :) I'm sure if Ryan were writing his perspective he would feel the same way:)
Now we had 72 hours to get his records reviewed by the doctor and see what his prognosis was!!!
Well the first Monday in September came and China still had not released anymore kids due to the glitches in the system. The agency said they didn't think they would release any kids in September. I remember one night telling my sister this is probably better anyways because fall is such a crazy time for us so being matched with a child right now would probably be to crazy. Well I spoke to soon. Literally that next morning I got a call from the agency. She said "Good morning Carrie I'm sitting her at my computer with my coffee looking at a little baby boy who would like to be part of your family." (I think that's what she said) I was in shock! I couldn't believe it! She went on to say He was born Sept 17, 2013 and he has two holes in his heart that seem to be able to be corrected. Shock again I thought for sure we would get a child who had a cleft lip or pallet. She said that when she opened her email that morning his file popped up and when she saw he had CHD she remembered our conversation. Now I know God had his hand in this. Not only that because non of the other agency were up in the night waiting for China to release children into the data base we where the only family that was matched with him. Come to find out the agency called me 2 weeks later saying I know this little boy was meant for you because China ended up releasing more kids and the same thing happened more than one family was matched to the same child. She said I think God has his hand in this one. I said You better believe He does!!!!
Oh I forgot one other REALLY important detail. So when we were praying about weather to adopt it was in September. I remember going to the Farm to work and talking to a friend of mine who works there and she said to me. "On my way here today I had this overwhelming feeling. I felt like God was telling me I needed to pray for you and Ryan because there was a baby boy in China waiting for you. Now when she told me that I laughed and said well that's awesome. I didn't think much more about it until the lady at the agency told me he was BORN SEPTEMBER 17th 2013. Then it all made sense God started stirring in mine and Ryan's heart. We took those steps to see what he was saying. We Prayed and followed. Little did we know our baby boy was being born right then. God Knew he needed a family. He knew his mom would not keep him for some reason and God PICKED ME! HE PICKED ME! to be his mommy and Ryan to be his daddy. Why I don't know why. I have made so many mistakes in my parenting. I'm still trying to figure how to be a good parent but HE PICKED ME!! AND RYAN OF COURSE :) I'm sure if Ryan were writing his perspective he would feel the same way:)
Now we had 72 hours to get his records reviewed by the doctor and see what his prognosis was!!!
Paperwork
Ok most of you know there is ALOT of paper work that has to be done. We started our paper work Nov 1st 2013. I was determined to get it done as fast as I could but God has perfect timing and he allowed a few obstacles to slow us down just a little.
One of the obstacles was when I had to renew my drivers license. Yes it had been expired for a little over a year. Between having Parker getting pregnant with Averi, and being sicker than anything, renovating our house and living with my parents, and Ryan having the worst winter of his life I never got around to renewing my license. Well my goal was to have our home study and the paper work that I could do for the dossier done before Christmas.
My first trip to secretary of state was crazy I waited almost 2 hours with Parker and Averi they were almost 2 and 3 years old. Thank goodness for my neighbor who came and got the kids half way through. I thought the guys sitting next to us was going to kill Parker because he brought in a toy car that made this ticking noise ha ha. When they finally called my number they said they could not renew my license because I never changed my name on my social security card when I got married. That was almost 12 years ago. Now yes I know what your thinking why didn't I do it. Well I just never got around to it and I never have had a problem renewing my license in the past.
I had to go to the social security office two times the first time I waited till I could wait no long because I had to pick Parker up from preschool. The second time I went It was not open yet but I went and got a Starbucks and waited 2 hours for it to open and made sure I was the first one in line waiting at the door like there was a huge sale ha ha. After I changed my name on my social security card I could finally go renew my license. I made sure I got to the secretary of state right when it opened so I didn't have to wait long. Once again they refused to renew my license because they said I needed glasses. WHAT!!!! I know this sounds so stupid but I broke down crying. The lady at the desk probably thought I was crazy. All I could think was it was a week before Christmas and I needed my license renewed so I could complete some of my tasks. I knew our son was waiting for us somewhere in China and I had to do everything I could to get him as quickly as possible. What was ironic was Ryan had just so happened to be at the same secretary of state renewing license plates for some of his work trucks so he was there to remind me that there is a reason for this. That God knows exactly whats going on. So I left and called my sister bawling on the phone. ha ha and she told me the same thing:) Well I did get glasses and I did get a renewed license but I did not complete all the things I wanted to before Christmas.
There where some other obstacles that slowed us down. The kids where the sickest they have ever been that winter. I was literally stuck in the house from the end of December to March. Ryan was gone plowing snow all the time because it was another crazy winter and He was in the mist of wanting to change his career but I won't bore you with all the details. What I will tell you is Yes I did question MANY times. "Are we still doing the right thing?" "With all this craziness can we handle another child? "
One winter day I was really struggling with our decision to adoption. This winter was brutal on our family. I was talking with a friend on the phone sharing with her my doubts and struggles. I just love how God can use people to help you see truth when things seem so dark. She told me "this is exactly what Satan want. Do you think he want this little boy to come live in your home and experience the love a family can give knowing that he will hear about Christ and hopefully love the Lord?" "He will try everything he can do to make this NOT happen if he can." "He want to steel your joy!"
Then she went on to remind me of all the things that God has done up till now to show me that this is His will. How He opened my heart up for adoption, He opened Ryan's heart for a 5th child, How he opened Lexi's heart by the end of October like I was praying, How there was instant peace the night I said "Yes we will adopt a special needs Asian boy," How he allowed our girls to get into a Charter school that is very multicultural. and if you keep reading you will see other way God said follow me I'm paving the way.
Well we finalized our paper work and sent it to China May 24th. We had to get the paper work in before May 27th because China was going to change their data base system. We almost didn't make that deadline because Ryan was bed ridden due to a severe back injury. Thank goodness he is fine now and the paper work got to China in time.
Now it was waiting game!!!
One of the obstacles was when I had to renew my drivers license. Yes it had been expired for a little over a year. Between having Parker getting pregnant with Averi, and being sicker than anything, renovating our house and living with my parents, and Ryan having the worst winter of his life I never got around to renewing my license. Well my goal was to have our home study and the paper work that I could do for the dossier done before Christmas.
My first trip to secretary of state was crazy I waited almost 2 hours with Parker and Averi they were almost 2 and 3 years old. Thank goodness for my neighbor who came and got the kids half way through. I thought the guys sitting next to us was going to kill Parker because he brought in a toy car that made this ticking noise ha ha. When they finally called my number they said they could not renew my license because I never changed my name on my social security card when I got married. That was almost 12 years ago. Now yes I know what your thinking why didn't I do it. Well I just never got around to it and I never have had a problem renewing my license in the past.
I had to go to the social security office two times the first time I waited till I could wait no long because I had to pick Parker up from preschool. The second time I went It was not open yet but I went and got a Starbucks and waited 2 hours for it to open and made sure I was the first one in line waiting at the door like there was a huge sale ha ha. After I changed my name on my social security card I could finally go renew my license. I made sure I got to the secretary of state right when it opened so I didn't have to wait long. Once again they refused to renew my license because they said I needed glasses. WHAT!!!! I know this sounds so stupid but I broke down crying. The lady at the desk probably thought I was crazy. All I could think was it was a week before Christmas and I needed my license renewed so I could complete some of my tasks. I knew our son was waiting for us somewhere in China and I had to do everything I could to get him as quickly as possible. What was ironic was Ryan had just so happened to be at the same secretary of state renewing license plates for some of his work trucks so he was there to remind me that there is a reason for this. That God knows exactly whats going on. So I left and called my sister bawling on the phone. ha ha and she told me the same thing:) Well I did get glasses and I did get a renewed license but I did not complete all the things I wanted to before Christmas.
There where some other obstacles that slowed us down. The kids where the sickest they have ever been that winter. I was literally stuck in the house from the end of December to March. Ryan was gone plowing snow all the time because it was another crazy winter and He was in the mist of wanting to change his career but I won't bore you with all the details. What I will tell you is Yes I did question MANY times. "Are we still doing the right thing?" "With all this craziness can we handle another child? "
One winter day I was really struggling with our decision to adoption. This winter was brutal on our family. I was talking with a friend on the phone sharing with her my doubts and struggles. I just love how God can use people to help you see truth when things seem so dark. She told me "this is exactly what Satan want. Do you think he want this little boy to come live in your home and experience the love a family can give knowing that he will hear about Christ and hopefully love the Lord?" "He will try everything he can do to make this NOT happen if he can." "He want to steel your joy!"
Then she went on to remind me of all the things that God has done up till now to show me that this is His will. How He opened my heart up for adoption, He opened Ryan's heart for a 5th child, How he opened Lexi's heart by the end of October like I was praying, How there was instant peace the night I said "Yes we will adopt a special needs Asian boy," How he allowed our girls to get into a Charter school that is very multicultural. and if you keep reading you will see other way God said follow me I'm paving the way.
Well we finalized our paper work and sent it to China May 24th. We had to get the paper work in before May 27th because China was going to change their data base system. We almost didn't make that deadline because Ryan was bed ridden due to a severe back injury. Thank goodness he is fine now and the paper work got to China in time.
Now it was waiting game!!!
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Parents
The next step in our process was to talk with our parent. Ryan and I both feel its important to seek wisdom when making big decision. So we wanted to talk with our parents and get their thoughts on us adopting. We both knew going into this conversation with them was not going to be the exciting conversation that you have when you tell your parents you are pregnant. We knew there would be lots of questions and concerns. Not because they were against adoption but because we are there children and they want to protect us for any hardship that could come.
I will not go into all the details with this but after talking about all the pros and cons and the what if's and the what if,what if's ha ha. We had both sides of our parents blessings. I know that the concerns that some of them had were only to protect us. Yes it is scary doing something you have never done before. It is scary thinking about all the bad things that COULD happen. But God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power and love and of sound mind 2 Timothy 1:7.
Taking a step of faith isn't easy but it is easy when you know you have a Heavenly Father who loves you and is leading your path according to HIS purpose. Ryan and I both love our parents very much and we are so thankful God has given us the close relationships that we have with them. I can't imagine doing life without them. We both pray our kids will feel the same towards us when they are grown and have families of our own. We pray they will know we will support them in their life journey and that we will be praying for them every step of the way:)
I will not go into all the details with this but after talking about all the pros and cons and the what if's and the what if,what if's ha ha. We had both sides of our parents blessings. I know that the concerns that some of them had were only to protect us. Yes it is scary doing something you have never done before. It is scary thinking about all the bad things that COULD happen. But God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power and love and of sound mind 2 Timothy 1:7.
Taking a step of faith isn't easy but it is easy when you know you have a Heavenly Father who loves you and is leading your path according to HIS purpose. Ryan and I both love our parents very much and we are so thankful God has given us the close relationships that we have with them. I can't imagine doing life without them. We both pray our kids will feel the same towards us when they are grown and have families of our own. We pray they will know we will support them in their life journey and that we will be praying for them every step of the way:)
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